Tonight I just feel like slobbing on the sofa with pizza, chips, garlic dip, wine, cigarettes, crisps, chocolate and a good movie. However, the only thing I am going to allow myself out of that list is the film, which leads to yet another dull evening by myself.

Things seem to come and go in waves, and last year I was at the forefront of the 'break-up' craze that seemed to sweep my social circle. When others are going through the same thing as you, it is easier to deal with. I have mentioned a few times that I feel like my previous relationship was over before it was officially over. Really, I did my grieving for it whilst I was still in it. So fast-forward a year, and I am now just thoroughly sick and tired, if I am honest.  I am totally and utterly fed up of the way things are going. All around me people are meeting other people, and it does make me wonder why I am on the bus that seems only seems to stop at the 'friend' stop. There must just be something about me that does not make girlfriend material... either that or the people I'm meeting (and liking) are just not the right ones. Surely, if you share the same thoughts, feelings, outlook and dreams as someone else, what reason is there for them only see you as a platonic friend? I am starting to believe that fairytales only happen to other people and fictional characters. That means I am screwed.

I had my cards read at the weekend, and even a deck of paper faces concluded that there is no one on the horizon for me, and I am pretty much set for a life alone. That is just perfect!

Well I think the "woe is me" act is lost right now, after all, I cannot change what currently is, I can only change what will be. I am so lost in my dreams right now; I am too frightened to do what I really want, and too lazy to do the alternative. That leaves me in quite a predicament now, does it not!

Part of me wishes I would stop stumbling across these amazing people, ones who make me feel excited and a little bit sick all at the same time. If nothing can be, why bring them into my life? It is as if the universe just likes to tease, "hey you, girl... look what amazing find we have here. See, the kind of person you've been dreaming about does exist, they do... nah uh, don't touch now, they're not for you!" I guess my karma must be really shot. I am finding my feet slowly, and perhaps once this year is out I will find my proverbial balls, and do what is in my heart. Until then I will just find solace in music, and hope that my current state of withdrawal from the world does not last that long. This song makes me smile at the moment, I just wish getting closer to the person who introduced me to it was an option... but that is never going to happen (of course, this is me we are talking about!) So instead, I will just find the strength from somewhere to carry on walking.