This weekend has been one of many thoughts, realisations and carbohydrates. Friday I emailed Dani and told her "I'm feeling blue, let us eat junk and watch some comedy" and even though I was more than an hour late in getting home, she was here and had the best surprise ready for me. In the kitchen, all laid out on the work surface, were: cheese Doritos, caramelised onion humous, sweets, facemasks, clusters and giant buttons. In the fridge, the second surprise was waiting... raspberries and lemonade! When we were on holiday in January we had the most amazing lemonade in this restaurant, and we have been promising each other that we would make it at home, but being on Atkins I am not allowed. She also brought round the movie 'Role Models' so we went and got ourselves a McDonalds, came home, and devoured food-a-plenty whilst watching the film, then we put our facemasks on and played Scrabble. It was just what I needed to kick start my slow movement out of this "hmmppffhh" lull I appear to be stuck in.

Having decided before leaving Sutton that we were having a blow out night (and before I knew about the snack fest waiting for me at home), I grabbed a bag of Roast Beef Monster Munch, and I was a little shocked at how sweet they tasted. After 3 months of not eating sugar or carbs, they were good, but left a weird coating in my mouth afterwards. I could immediately feel the effect of filling myself with junk food, it was good for a one-off, but I could never go back to eating as I used to.

Saturday we were in Canterbury for the James Morrison gig, and although I was still feeling blue, I tried my very best to put on a smile and have a good time. Once there I was surprised at how quickly I genuinely began to enjoy myself, it felt good. The support act was Vagabond, and I think they might fast become my new band du jour! The setting for the concert was perfect, we were outside, drinking coffee, enjoying the evening weather and it was very soothing for the soul. My soul in particular.

Today however I woke up in my usual flump, sat on the sofa and began the familiar process of 'I want to do something, but have no motivation to even move' but somehow, out of nowhere, I just decided to clean up my bedroom a little bit. This quickly turned into me re-organising all my clothes, chucking stuff out, sorting the items that needs mending, and making a huge pile for the charity shop. I stripped the bed sheets, dusted (and cleaned) all the windows, walls and surfaces. Thanks to a reggae soundtrack, I went from being a miserable lump on the sofa, to booty dancing in my bedroom, and actually getting something done with my day. I got so into it that I did not even notice the rain outside stopping and the sunshine coming out again (which is a shame, as I would have liked to bask.)

Surprisingly, I have hardly drunk any alcohol at all this weekend. Perhaps a glass of wine or two, but that is all. To be honest, I am right off the stuff. I can only think of this as a good thing, because drinking when a) alone, and b) depressed, is nicht gud. Perhaps things with me are changing more than I realise, and I can see the positive side to it (just about) so will need to exercise some patience and hope that tomorrow is a good day.