Eeeek, I'm being utterly crap this year, aren't I?!   Only three entries in over a month, nicht gut, nicht gut!

So, what has been taking up all my time?  Honestly?  A boy... and also work, SAV, friends, and baking.  But mostly, it's the boy who is to blame.  I can't moan though, he's lovely and I'm trying to enjoy it without flipping out that it's all going to end soon.  Actually, he's really really lovely, smart, funny, kind, sexy, generous, attentive, and has a gorgeous smile.  I really can't gush about him enough, but I will try to refrain from spilling my over-excitedness into this post.  All I will say is: I was seeing him before, I misjudged him and he screwed up, but I gave him a Christmas chance, and it's all working out beautifully.  He's on holiday at the moment, and it's apparent from how much I'm missing him, just how much I like him.  Eeek, I'm in trouble I think!

Anyway, enough of that.  What else is new?  Well, I've been freaking out about this craft fayre, and whether or not I can really do it?  It's not so much that I feel I'm incapable, it's more financial.  Do I have the means to fund myself for a whole craft fayre, should it all go pear shaped?  I need to make a slight profit, or at least cover my costs.  But to commit to it I should book my place now, so a bit more thinking is required.  I'm shitting myself if the truth be known, but I'll never move on from where I am now if I don't take a leap of faith. 

I feel like I need some time away to be honest, so might take a little trip this Friday.  Not to anywhere in particular, just jump in the car and go somewhere I can walk, think, eat a packed lunch, think, walk, think... you get the gist.  I've taken up jogging every weekend, round Beddington Park, but I need to get out of my town, head, and life for a few hours. 

Things are really good right now, I've quite smoking, I've lost weight, I'm jogging, work is ok, I'm seeing the most delicious man, but something in me just needs to make sense of itself.  I wake up some mornings in a panic that everything is going to fall over around me.  Life was so utterly shit last year, I cannot even begin to describe how dark my world became... however, I'm back in the sunshine now, and I don't want to go back there ever again.  But it's not in my control, I just have to hang on for dear life and hope for the best.

I guess it doesn't help when you're faced with people who won't let you forget who you used to be, or the mistakes you once made.  I've managed to overcome them, grow, and move on... but unfortunately mud sticks, especially in small minds.  Actually, I'm my own worst critic!