Entries in writing (11)
Whoa, What's Love Got To Do, Got To Do With It?
Love has got everything to do with everything! After all, if you don't love what you do, love who your with, love how you are and love what you're about, then what is the point?
So many people go through life just existing, but I have always felt that life is a precious thing and should not be taken for granted. Perhaps because we all have it and assume it's ours for the taking that lots of people become complacent and don't strive to be any more than what they have naturally become.
It takes a lot of strength to find yourself and be who YOU want to be, it's too easy to settle for who you have become. Influences of culture and genetics will sort that out for you, requiring no effort on your part. But to figure out that everything is possible, and to evolve yourself from what you are naturally is something not many people do, or realise they can do.
Myself, I'm trying to become a genuine someone and make a difference. I don't want to be a contrived version of something, I want to exist just as the I do in the 'pipe dream'. Things don't only happen to other people, they can happen to you too! If you want it of course.
Pah, maybe I'm just chatting shit, I am super tired after all. Work is sooo busy, it's not even funny how much I've got to do. It's OK, I like the job and being busy is great, but I'm scared I'm going to lose a grip on things. I've not even had lunch this week really, I'm not event hungry for it!
Although I moan, it's quite funny how I'm actually more productive when I'm busy, it's when I stand still that my mind becomes stagnant and useless.
What A Tyring Day
Could today have started off any worse? Really, the answer is yes, but ask me that at 8am this morning and I would have shot you a look worth a thousand profanities.
As I grabbed the herbal tea in my travel mug and looked out of the kitchen window I said out loud "you have to be shitting me?!" The rear nearside tyre on my car was as flat as a pancake. My first thought was about how late for work I was going to be, my second was wondering how I managed to get a puncture, the third was how I couldn't bloody believe it.
Changing the tyre didn't phase me, I just wasn't sure that I'd be able to get the bolts undone. But being the trooper I am I drove the car off the curb and onto flat road, then proceeded to try and loosen the wheel bolts. I had to check that I was turning them the right way as they weren't budging (righty tighty, lefty loosey). Yep I was turning the right way for sure. Next I secured the wrench around the bolt, steadied myself with one hand on the car and stood on it to try and use my body weight to loosen the little buggers. It worked a little but I was screwed for the other bolts. I messed around trying to get the stupid things off for about 20 minutes before I admitted defeat and rung The AA. Fortunately Lee had told me a trick to tell them I "broke down" away from home so that they came out to me, otherwise I my lack of breakdown cover would have meant I'd have been royally screwed.
With 40 minutes to wait before the man came I thought I'd fix some brekkie. Good idea in theory if I actually had some food I could eat, DOH! Anyway, long story short, The AA man turned up, changed my tyre in 5 minutes and I was on my way to ATS in West Green to get it repaired. Once that was done and on, the silly little spacer was back in my boot and I was on my merry way... 90 minutes late for work!
I then get to work and there is uproar over the new process I put in place 3 weeks ago. So we call a "team meeting", after which things seemed better. I think the lateness helped me be more productive which is a good thing as I've needed a kick up the arse lately.
Anyway, the evening was good and I enjoyed munching on a huge Nandos chicken salad with Halloumi cheese on the side. It was even nicer due to the fact all I've eaten today is some minging prawn casserole thing and green beans (I left the prawn goop and just gobbled the beans) plus six brazil nuts... that's it!
I'm now just winding down before bed and keeping my fingers crossed that Mr Fish is OK tomorrow. I think he's poorly so I've got him in an incubation tank. He keeps trying to swim, and does OK, but his tale is floppy and he's lost buoyancy :-( Let's all send good fishy wishes to Mr Minnow and hope he gets better soon so he can rejoin his friends in the big tank.
I've Got Another Confession To Make...
...I'm your fool, everyone's got their chains to break... were you born to resist or be abused?... I needed somewhere to hang my head, without your noose, you gave me something that I didn't have, but had no use. I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose, my heart is under arrest again, but I break loose... I swear I'll never give in, no, I refuse... I've got another confession my friend, I'm no fool, I'm getting tired of starting again, somewhere new. Were you born to resist or be abused? I swear I'll never give in, I refuse...
Recently I'm feeling liberated and free, work is going well and it's giving me the time to focus and be me. I've not heard anything back from the writing competitions yet, although I'm not pinning any hopes on winning.
This Sunday it's Daddy's Day so Cathleen and I are taking him away for the weekend. We're leaving on Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night, so it's only a short trip, but I'm looking forward to it loads. I've also taken Friday off work and will be meeting Kate at the old office for a spot of lunch, Asha cuddles and a catch up. Life is good, really really good right now and I'm feeling lucky, creative and most of all... alive!
The healthy eating thing seems to be going well so far, I'm filling up on fruit and veggies and sticking to my 3 meals a day. A friend of mine is doing a crazy diet, it's called Light Life (I think) and she basically starves for 31/2 months! Each week she pays £60+ for a load of powders which she'll mix with water and that will be her intake for the week. So far she's lost a load of weight and seems to be happy, I admire her for her willpower but I couldn't do it. Biggest reason why is it seems madness! Nope, I'm done with fad dieting and trying all the latest crazes, it's healthy stable eating for me and I'll happily lose weight the slow way.
It's all about life changes, not quick fixes. I'm embracing this new era with open arms and it's quite funny how the transition is so apparent. Change is good though. Just like the Foo's tell it "everyone's got their chains to break".
Competition Entries
Now that the closing date on both the competitions has come to a close I can now share my entries with you all. I feel very out of my depth as this whole thing is totally alien to me, but if you don't try you'll never get anywhere. I'm very amateur at this sort of thing and the calibre of entries is most likely to be way higher than what I'm capable of, but it's all a bit of fun isn't it.
Below are the brief descriptions of the two competitions, who they were for and what I wrote:
Glamour Magazine
Prize: £200 worth or Debenhams vouchers, a stay in a top London hotel with dinner and drinks at a swanky nightclub for 4 people. The opportunity to write an article for Glamour magazine and spent 1-2 weeks doing an internship at Glamour to see my article being processed and published in the next edition.
Rules: Starting with the phrase "Galaxy was on my mind when..." I had to write a 150 word diary entry, it could be about anything I wanted.
Entry: Galaxy was on my mind when I walked into work this morning. As I opened the doors and looked up I stopped in my tracks, frozen by the sight of him. Galaxy is my nickname for him; he looks like a creamy chocolate god stood in his Armani suit. It would have been OK had I not looked so rough today; “damn it” I cursed trying to smooth down my hair and dress. My mind wandered as I got nearer to where he stood “…Mmmm, I bet he smells great today...”
As I glided towards him fate intervened and snapped the heel on my shoe, I tumbled into a heap, right in front of his feet. “Ground eat me now, eat me now!” I willed. That was until he scooped me up in his arms asking “are you ok gorgeous?”
Today might not be such a bad day after all.
Creative Competitor
Prize: £100 + Publication, £50 + honourable mention, £free 6 month subscription to Creative Competitor site + honourable mention.
Rules: This was a 24 hour fiction competition. I was emailed at midday on 7th June and had to write a 1200 piece which had to include the following "Amy read the article in her local newspaper again and felt her breath catch in her throat. It was impossible, surely this couldn't be true?"
Entry: You only love hard once in your life; that love either lasts forever or hardens you to never fall so deeply the next time around. Amy was in the latter category. Her relationship with Steve had lasted 6 years before she finally found the strength to walk away from him.
Deep down Amy had always felt like she was a little bit too good for ‘their kind’, his family. She was not only richer, but more intelligent, from a better background and with better prospects. Steve was her bit of rough and that’s just how Amy liked it. For years Steve was in awe of everything she said and did, he loved every inch of her but something changed and he began to resent her. Jealously probably paid a part, maybe he felt like he deserved to be treated as an equal. By 2001 they were separated and although she was the one to walk away, Amy felt like she’d just lost her soul mate, the one, her future husband.
That night was the worst night in her life; Steve had cheated with his boss and didn’t even feel remorse! The pangs of hurt and hate went on for a while, she visited his work on the rampage and did all the things a scorned ex would do... but something had to give, Amy had to sort herself out.
It was only seven months after they split before Steve met Jocelyn, and for Steve this was his turn to feel hard love, really ‘falling for you head over heels’ love. Even though she was the one who had ended the relationship it took a lot for Amy to not call him, go to him, her yearning was immense. How dare he find someone else! The hatred and hurt became almost too much too bear, that was until she realised she still loved him despite everything.
“I have to tell him” Amy confessed to her best friend, “I have to let him know how I feel; he’s going to marry this girl unless I do”. This revelation of Steve moving on had really rocked her boat, Amy felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Let him go, he’s no good for you” a concerned friend advised, “You left his cheating arse for a reason”. But it was no good; Amy needed to tell Steve once and for all... she loved him, always had, always will. Hopefully he’d feel the same and Jocelyn would be history.
It was the first morning of the rest of her life, as she sat down for breakfast and opened the printed pages to read over eggs, she felt like today really was going to be a good day.
Amy read the article in her local newspaper again and felt her breath catch in her throat. It was impossible, surely this couldn't be true? They were getting married?! “But he’s supposed to be with me!” Amy wailed into the announcement column, “He’s my soul mate”.
This was too much to take in, after all they’d been split less than a year, and Amy was yet to declare her undying love for Steve. How can he marry this other woman without knowing that the love of his life still wanted him? It was also quite eerie that she had predicted his upcoming nuptials only the day before, was this a sign?
It was time to get out of here, but not before tracking down Steve and giving him all the information he needed before walking down the aisle with Jocelyn. “I owe him that much” Amy said trying to convince herself, “he needs to know how I feel, so he can make an informed decision”. Within a few hours she’d packed a suitcase and booked two train tickets to Lille, Steve always loved her little surprise trips away, Amy was hoping he’d be wooed by the gesture.
As the taxi approached his local Amy suddenly realised the extent of how far she was willing to go to get back her man. As she pushed the door to the pub open it was met with little reaction. The smell of stale smoke still lingered, “damn those curtains need a wash” Amy muttered under her breath as she passed through the sea of familiar faces on her way to the bar. “Is Steve in today” she asked, hopeful, “yeah, he’s in the loo” the little voice behind the bar spoke back and pointed her chipped nail polished fingers towards the back of the pub.
It was now or never, if Amy wanted her private moment with Steve she knew that she needed to march into those stinking excuses for lavatories and tell him once and for all how she felt. Nearing the door she began to panic, all she could hear in her head was the sound of her heart beating out of her chest. Suddenly, voices interrupted her nervousness; she recognised it was Steve immediately, the other voice she could only assume was HER. Jocelyn was already in the male toilets with Steve, her voice was much deeper than Amy had imagined, and it made her snigger with the irony of overhearing them for the first time in the male loos.
“Does she know yet?” Jocelyn questioned, “No, I haven’t told her, she’s not ready. I hurt her badly and although I was unfaithful with another woman, she isn’t ready to hear this” Steve replied. It was an odd conversation Amy thought to herself, why was Steve so concerned about her hearing of his wedding? Did he know she still loved him? Was he preparing to let Jocelyn down gently that their wedding wasn’t going to happen? These thoughts buzzed around and around in Amy’s head, broken only by the sound of words that cut like a knife, “no matter what happens, I am going to marry you. You’re my soul mate, my one true love, my life”. With that Amy fled the pub in embarrassment, the sound of Steve kissing Jocelyn still resounding in her head as she continued all the way to the train station, all the way to Lille.
Months later and Amy was still considering contacting Steve, more for her own piece of mind than anything else. Time had healed the hurt and part of her knew that she needed to let him go, allow him to marry his soul mate, even if that wasn’t her. She found herself in similar position, eating breakfast for one and opening the pages of the local paper. Amy skimmed over the printed stories, eventually finding the Weddings section, her heart skipped a beat, and then Amy let out the biggest belly laugh you have ever heard. Steve’s wedding was being featured; he’d pushed it forward. Amy, grateful and relieved, read on about the first same-sex wedding to take place in their local town hall. See, Jocelyn is the new name for Joseph Ceylon, a gay transvestite who is a bit hit in the city (apparently). Steve is Gay! As she bit into her toast a smile spread across Amy’s face as she realised the lucky escape she had from severely embarrassing herself in the pub that day.
Yesterday afternoon was so lovely, after waking up with the hangover from hell I drove to Gatwick to meet Paul and pick up the choccy truffles Emily and Chloe made. We sat in Burger King for about an hour and a half just chatting about shit... it really made me realise just how much I miss him not being around the corner. I have felt really guilty about not going over to see them much this year, but after chatting a bit with Chloe they seem fine about it and understand that we all have lives to live... although it doesn't mean that we don't all love each other. I told Paul all about the writing competitions and as with everything he was supportive and offered me his pearls of wisdom, as only Paul can.
I'll keep you posted one how I get on with each entry... you never know what the judges are looking for so I could be in with a chance!
Befriending Jacques
Fraser has had the entire weekend off, for once! We began by going late night shopping on Friday night, whizzing round Tescos is more satisfying when it's not packed with screaming kids and chavs. £140 later, we were back at home scoffing crisps on the couch and drinking some Jacques cider. We'd been introduced to the fruity pleasures of Jacques at Cathleen's birthday, Michael was knocking it back in the pub and I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it was. Me and cider have had a turbulent relationship over the years... I couldn't touch the stuff for a long time, ever since I experimented as a teenager and ended up paraletic on the corner of a street! The smell, the taste, the thought of drinking cider would make me feel sick.
In my now older and wiser self I realise that 'Diamond White' and 'White Lightning' are not true representations of the cider product range... these are more pure alcohol with a splash of concentrated apple juice. 12 or 13 years after the fact and I think the mental scarring from that night has finally healed and I'm able to move on with Cider, give it another chance.
After we'd polished off a bottle of Jacques at midnight on Friday, Fraser and I fell asleep on the couch after having watched The Mighty Boosh and The Young Ones.
Saturday was a rush, I had to go round and collect all my Avon catalogues and be back in time to pick Paul up from the airport. He was coming over for one night only to attend Cassie's 21st birthday party (Cassie is his youngest half-sister, not related to the Wraggs). I felt pretty rarred up yesterday, mainly because some bitch had littered my Avon area with a load of her catalogues. She's basically trying to poach my customers and has given out the next issue of the catalogue, two weeks early! She had left her number with the order form so I called her up and told her she best get her arse up and over to my area now to pick up her catalogues. I then called my area manager and had a right moan.. he's dealing with it and will be going round to see her Monday.
Paul's flight was delayed and so we only got to spend 20 minutes with him. I was so excited to show him the house and couldn't wait to pull up outside and say "we're here"! He liked it a lot and enjoyed a beer in the garden before having to be whisked off to the train station.
Fras and I started drinking at about 4pm, several hours, 4 bottles of Jacques, 1 bottle of red wine, 2 packets of Wotsits and 8 beers later... we were a little drunk. Fraser rolled himself up the stairs to bed and I stayed up to finish my writing competition entry (watch this space) and to participate in the ITV Bingo night, it's free! As I lay on my stomach in front of the TV waiting for the last game tiredness suddenly came over me and I woke up 3 hours later with hands covered in dribble and the sun rising. Time to go to bed me thinks!
I was hoping today that we'd get a chance to do something cool, but the way we're both feeling all we'll be doing is drinking pints of water and yamming food down our throats. I'm going to meet Paul at about 1pm, he's going to give me some chocolate truffles from Emily. Depending on time and what's around I might grab some lunch with him at the airport... we'll see.
Tomorrow is the first day of healthy living day, that £140 of shopping has bought us lots of fish, meat, vegetables, fruit, cereal, Ryvitas and other goodies to fill our bellies with. Diets don't work, only lifestyle changes do. I've been working hard recently to eat three solid meals a day, this will now be coupled with reducing calories and eating better foods. I'm also going to pick up some more exercise, although the swimming will have to wait until my wound is healed properly.
Selina Wragg
in General, Fun, house, Family, writing
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