...there's an ordinary world somehow I have to find. And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world I will learn to survive...

Major change is around the corner and so it's only natural that I am analysing every part of my life, and myself.  Today I sent Mum off home after having her stay for a few days.  It was great to see her and shocking that we only really get together properly twice a year!  Still, makes the time we do spend together more special.  Now that she's left though it's time to get back to reality and also think about going back to work. 

I'm signed off for another week but had to call the boss today to ask for the Tuesday morning off, as well as the last 10 days!  A bit cheeky I know, but my stitches have to stay in longer so I need to go back to the doctors surgery and have them out and that was the earliest appointment I could get.  He was cool with it though, to be fair I am in my notice period and there's lots of change and movement going on that he's probably got more to deal with than when I'm back to work.

Talking of which I've filled out all my forms for the new job and sent them off.  The occupational therapy questionnaire was a little daunting though, never had to fill one of those out before.  Not sure if I needed to or not but I told them about my operation.  They did ask if I'd had an op in the last 2 years so to omit the information would just be lying!  It will be weird working for a larger firm again, but I am looking forward to the security.  

So back to the rest of me and I'm feeling so wretched lately.  I keep following these fad diets, believing the hype and striving towards that quick fix... it doesn't exist.  South Beach has worked for me in the past, but then I've only whacked the weight back on again, and then some.   What I have realised it that in order to achieve a healthy me I need to just eat well, exercise, and that's it.  My body has just been abused for the last 6 years with alcohol and fatty foods.  What is most shocking is I was thinking about this the other day and realised that my body weight has almost doubled since I was 18 years old, DOUBLED!  I am literally twice the woman I was, lol.  In seriousness though I used to be disgustingly skinny with hips, ribs and a collar bone that protruded from my slight frame.  Now though I'm too overweight and although I'm happy, I don't want to remain overweight purely because of the health implications.

What I need to learn to do is stop drinking, exercise, eat 5 a day, don't snack on junk, eat a balanced diet and have everything in moderation.  I'm sure the lbs will drop off me and I'll feel 100 times better in myself.  I know when I'm not healthy because I get out of breath easy, I sweat, my nose is blocked up, my skin looks tired, my hair gets greasy quickly, I get spots, my belly bloats and makes noises, I fart A LOT and don't sleep well.   When you think of it like that I wonder, is a tipple and a cake really worth it after all?

I'm still in pain now, but finally feel on the mend.  I can't sit down for more than a couple of hours (hence being signed off work) but can at least move about without feeling like my stitches are going to cut me in half!  On Friday I took mum into town for a spot of shopping but couldn't do very much as the walking around was too much for me and we left town very soon after having had lunch.  I couldn't help it though, I was actually in agony and really felt like I'd overdid it a little.

This weekend has been nice though, I've had the fam round for a BBQ (the parents anyway) and they seemed to enjoy themselves.  Fraser is working on Sunday and then is off next week.  I've been playing with my new 'it's so pretty' camera.

If you'd have asked me two days ago whether I'd be OK to go back to work in a week the answer would have been 'no way Jose!'   However, I've felt much better this last 24 hours and have laid off the painkillers, which is a feat in itself!  I reckon I'll be just OK to go back to work and sit for the statutory 8 hours, come Tuesday week...  although part of me will be anxious to get back and ensure handover is done properly!  After all.... I am in my notice period!  

I am getting so sick of the media attention on women at the moment.  It's all about 'size zero' or who's lost what weight, who's put weight on, who's losing their kids, who's having kids, who's dating who, who's divorcing who, who's wearing the wrong outfit, who's wearing the most expensive shoes, who looks awful, who looks fab, who's a failure, who's a heroine... WHO CARES?!

My goodness, are we all really so interested in the lives of others than we make ourselves responsible for generating the huge income for the media fat cats by constantly buying all these stories?

Now don't get me wrong, to applaud someone for what they've done is great.  I love a bit of positive commenting, it does wonders for the soul.  But who the hell do we think we are to then strip someone of that positivity just because they've put on weight, slept with the wrong person, or *shock horror* not worn make-up?!

I've been off work now for 5 days and it's my 2nd day watching daytime TV.  For the most part it's ok, but I cannot believe how many adverts for slimming there are.  Each programme has been sandwiched together with promises of losing lbs in days, looking younger with some miracle cream, getting thinner by putting on some body stocking; it's a shocking collection of advertising focused towards the female population of Britain. 

Where have all the strong women gone?  

By strong I don't mean feminist, I mean confident.  Strong women are happy with who they are, work hard at what they do, help others, don't buy into the fads and trends and are generally brilliant role models.

I watched Loose Women and thought it was great that Coleen Nolan showed there was nothing wrong with being a housewife.  As expected the rest of the ladies starting huffing and puffing in disagreement... but really, why is it deemed 'weak' to be a good wife and raise your kids?

Being a strong woman doesn't mean you have to be independent from men.  Yes, I am financially independent, but I still depend on Fraser, that doesn't make me weak.  Women's lib is out the door, it's all about loving you for you, accepting who you are, lumps, bumps, bones and moles. 

It doesn't matter if you are a housewife, CEO, prime minister, fashion model, teacher, taxi driver, shop assistant or a millionaire!  It doesn't matter if you are tall, fat, white, black, thin, short, ginger, blonde, brunette, grey or bald!  If you are happy and proud of who you are them you are more successful than those who think succeeding is to conform.

I've come over all 'Gok Wan' but I think we should all congratulate ourselves on one good thing about ourselves, not beat ourselves up about the things we're not.