This week has been very bizarre, and not to mention very busy!  I stayed at work until 8:40pm last night (yes you read that right!) and was in again at 8:00am this morning because I have loads to do and needed to do them before today... oh and I'm off tomorrow because I'm going to SWEDEN!  Woo hoo. 

A weekend away is exactly what I need, the last couple of months have been really stressful and with so much change I think I'm going a little loopy from it. I fear though that this trip maybe not be the break away to 'blow off steam' that I'm craving.  Still, Stockholm is such a beautiful city and I'm excited to be going back there, even if it is more expensive than England!  GRRRR.

I know a lot of you have shown concern about me, for that I thank you... but seriously, I'm fine.  There's just lots going on, so so much and the last few posts have been about a combination of things.  That's probably why they don't make much sense, I don't make much sense, lol.

In a few months life will be rosy and I'll continue on storming through, as always :-)  So I guess this will be cheerio for a couple of days... bon voyage! 

I just don't understand why people think things can't happen, is it really impossible?  No, it's more that your own limitations are preventing you from realising that this can happen (and does) happen.  So yeah, it may not be the easiest path to take, but it could be fantastic!

We as people are constantly wanting something better, constantly searching for change, constantly looking for a way out.  Do we always take it, no, why?   Is it because we're frightened of the consequences?  Yeah, I think so.

Life is so short and I wonder, as a percent of the world population, how many people are settling for what they've got and are refusing to look at what else is out there, just because it's not:

a) on the doorstep

b) easy and quick

c) the safe option

Is that really what we're worth?  Some half hearted attempt at living a life, always taking the clear and open path, being afraid to take a detour just in case *shock* *horror* it doesn't work!  At least if we're all travelling the safe route we'll see the crash up ahead and be able to plan for it.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but if you never put yourself in danger how will you ever grow?

Lately I feel like I've finally woken up and realised that I don't need keep kidding myself.  Perhaps it's a little late coming and I could have, or should have, realised all this stuff a lot earlier... but later is better than never.

I'm only 26 years old!  I can't write off the rest of my life just because it's not convenient or it's a little scary.  I'm sailing through at the moment hoping for an epiphany, or at least a chain of events that will make the road ahead clear suddenly.  But in honesty, I think I'm going to need to figure this out for myself.

What am I chatting about?  Some of you reading this might know, others may not, but ultimately I'm not going to spill the beans because I don't want to have answer a series of questions to which I don't have the answers yet.  Speculate and judge if you will, I don't care!

As time goes on though it's apparent that the things I suppressed, all those months ago, have come back with a vengeance.  Now I'm in a little bit of a pickle, but I always have choices and will refuse to be backed into a corner just because it doesn't suit.

It's horrible, it's going to get worse before it gets better but at the end of the day I have to stay true to myself and live my life for me, not for you.  I'm sorry.

Today I woke up at a ridiculous 8:20am.  It's Saturday, I should be sleeping until at least 10 or 11!  Anyway, after a pretty sombre morning I perked myself up with a little walk and then came back to crack on with recording the podcast.

Not wanting to interrupt the session with my rumbling stomach I thought I would eat beforehand and considering the house is empty I figured it was the perfect opportunity to cook up a feast... or at the very least some Scotch Eggs (which is what I fancied).  So I did just that and managed to burn my hand in the process.  A piece of sausage covered in hot oil flipped out of the pan and straight onto my hand.  Rather than run it under the cold tap I just stood there and screamed profanities at it, lol.  I did get it under the cold tap but it has left a huge blister and red mark on my finger, coincidentally the same finger I burnt last year!  Hmmm, perhaps I should rethink this whole domesticated lark, especially as the scotch eggs came out more like scotch mess!

The podcast recording has been long overdue so getting a start on it today was quite exciting.  It would have been a breeze had I have had better equipment and not spent 4 hours pissing about with it, only to end up with about 2 minutes of decent audio!  I'll need to dig out my other microphone as the ones I've got are shit!  They either pick up this constant whirring noise from the computer or the recording keeps breaking and so I sound all bitty during playback.  Still, at least those of you who read me but have never heard me will know what I sound like now :-)  You can put a voice to the face and the words.

The section I recorded and published was my favourite one at least :-)   I'm sharing a song in each podcast and this month was going to be 'Adrienne by The Calling'.  It reminds me so much of the Summer in 2002, good times.  It also reminds me of the dating back then too, bad times. lol.  

It was slim pickings let me tell you!  One guy lied to me about his age, we were seeing each other for about a month, until I learned he was 17!  I was 19 at the time and thought he was 21...  Then there was my sisters friend, who initially was a nice guy (had known him for years) but then he kept emailing poetry to me and got a little freaky.  One hopeful was a guy who had apparently fancied me for ages and when he heard I was single went to great lengths to get my number.  That date consisted of us driving to a park and sitting there whilst he showed me his tattoos and used words like "buff, innit" and "saaaaafe", hmmm, not my type!  Then Mr Eyelashes came along and that was a very odd 2 months.   But now I'm older, wiser and nowhere near these guys (lol) I can look back and laugh at it. 

Right now though I'm done with the computer and am taking myself off to get ready for Saturday night baby!  Yep, she's going out (can I get a whoop whoop!).  Even I'm getting sick of my own company and that never happens, so I'm going to hit the town tonight and let my hair down a little.

Something feels very different this time.  My mind is so preoccupied with what's going on in me, I've got to stop procrastinating and get this shit down on paper!  The best works come from real experiences, real emotions, real life.  My latest idea is a corker and I've already written the plan out. 

There's also the podcasts which I'm going to start recording tomorrow :-)  I'm not too sure what I'm going to ramble about, probably just highlights of the month, chat about news items, catch-up verbally with what I've been up to.  I'm going to end with a "Blast From the Past" feature and each month I'm going to play an old song which I love... sort of a 'from me to you' kind of thing.  I've been writing this blog now for almost a year, I can't believe it!  Things often sound different when you know a persons tone and accent.  For example, a little while ago I was reading an interview with Russell Brand (ding dong) and when I was saying it in my head with my voice it wasn't very funny.  However, when I read it again and tried to read it in Russell's distinctive London accent I was laughing out loud.  So that's what I'm going to do, It'll help for listeners to get to know me a little better and will probably be quite nice to put a voice to the words.

The diet isn't going too well either, the booze found me again, lol.  Let me see, there was Vodka Tuesday, Wine Wednesday, Cider Thursday and by Friday I'm feeling more pickled than a gherkin!  Fortunately I've not put weight back on, but I'm not losing it either.  Still, looks like I'll be back on the antibiotics soon so booze will be out again for a while.  The damn wound has begun to open again, I can't believe it!  This whole saga is driving me nuts and I wish now that I'd never had the operation... it was almost 4 months ago!   GRRRR.

Watch this space for the podcast.....