The time has come for me to say enough is enough... again!  My weight is spiralling out of control and I'm not really helping myself at all.  The last few weeks I have been trying to get my routine down: eat three times a day with no grazing in-between.  This I think I have done and I'm there with the routine, however I can't do the healthy eating part without guidelines.  I need to have some constrictions when it comes to food and drink.

Alcohol is the biggest thing, all those empty calories just puts more fat on my body and makes me feel shitty.  Plus when I drink all my discipline vanishes and I'm my own worst enemy, no crisp is safe!

You know I figured out today that I've been drinking and living the unhealthy lifestyle for 10 years now.  10 years is a long time and I've done all the things I want to do where alcohol is concerned.  I've been the person who's been passed out drunk in the street, I've been the person at the party playing drinking games, I've been the person to drink the disgusting concoction of booze for a dare, I've been the person who can polish off more tequila shots than what should be possible, I've been the person to drink a bottle of wine a night, I've been the person to drink non-stop round the clock all weekend, I've been the person to try all the cocktails on TGI Friday's drinks menu, I've been the person to drink my way out of a hangover, I've been the person to do beer bong, I've been the person to drink Cherry Brandy just because that's all there was, I've been the person to sneak booze into places I really shouldn't, I've been the person to snort Vodka, I've been the person to neck multiple bottles of Stella Artois (the little ones from France).

Put all that together with drunken rages, embarrassing dances, kissing the wrong boys, kissing the right boys, midnight texts, falling out of clubs, stuffing 1lb burgers in my gob, puking in the toilet, puking everywhere but the toilet, missing college the next day, missing work the next day, showing too much flesh, saying things I shouldn't, smoking too many cigarettes, smoking too many funny fags, playing knock down ginger (past the age of 20), having a collection of traffic cones in my bedroom, and pretending to be asleep so I can carry on the party after a 'certain someone' is in bed.

All these things have happened, some a long time ago, some recently, some often!  Right now I'm thinking that to be healthy and happy is more important than carrying on with this lifestyle.  I've calmed down a lot over the last 2 years but I'm still letting myself down and not sticking to the goals I set. 

It sounds like I'm giving myself a hard time, but I'm really not.  My weight has gone up by 21lbs this year, it was at a 14lb gain but in the last 4 weeks I've managed to increase that by a further 7lbs!   Enough is enough and I need to stop now before Fraser has to wheel me out of the house.  Mum mentioned something about an under active thyroid, but having checked out the symptoms it's definitely not that, I've just not been being good!

So it's me and Arthur Agatston working together, in other words the South Beach Diet.  I've done really well on this before and the diet works (when you stick to it).  I've got to get the weight down for my health and with family history being what it is I'm doing myself no favours.  I've also got the bike and the MoS Dance DVD which I need to start doing, so come on girl, pull yourself together and do it!  I've taken before snaps with the camera and in about 6 months when I'm feeling like I've achieved my goal I will take after shots and post both on here.
 

My ears are ringing, my thighs ache, my back feels stiff, my heels hurt, my toes are sore, my face is sunburnt, my clothes are sweaty, my vocal cords are worn out and I'm knackered... but it was so worth it!

Bon Jovi are rock gods!  I have just spent the last 8 hours stood in the golden circle at Twickenham Stadium watching legends perform.  I'm sat on the sofa now with a cold beer and I can't quite believe I've been there, I've seen them and I've heard them perform their greatest hits live.  Everything including 'Living On A Prayer', 'Always', 'Bad Medicine', 'Keep The Faith' (I screamed like a little girl when they played the intro to that and I realised it was the next song), 'Wanted, Dead or Alive' and loads loads more.  They even did a couple of covers which was a nice surprise. 

Kate and I met on the train at Redders and got to Twickenham about 3pm.  After queuing in the wrong bloody queue for 15 minutes we made our way to the correct gate and into the stadium where Lisa and her buddies were already waiting in the golden circle.  It was so hot, too hot.  We sat, drank Pimms and ate ice cream, it was really rather pleasant.  The first band came on (Ivyrise) and played to a semi full stadium.  They were followed by The Feeling, who were quite good and we got more than we bargained for when the lead singer tore his pants, thank goodness he was wearing underwear.

By this point we'd stopped drinking, had wee'd ourselves dry and were ready and raring for the arrival of Bon Jovi.  The screams and cheers were deafening as Tico Torres, Richie Sambora and David Bryan walked on stage and picked up their instruments.  The time had then arrived for the one, the only, the gorgeous, Jon Bon Jovi to walk onto the stage.  The crowd went nuts.

For two and a half hours I danced, I sang, I screamed and most of all I watched.  I watched as Jon strutted his stuff on the stage with his half undone shirt showing just the right amount of chest and his perfect arse wiggling away and looking mighty fine in a nice pair of denim jeans.  He had 3 shirt changes and the last was a silvery/grey tank top which was tight enough to hug his abs and showcase his perfectly defined arms.  That man's wife is one lucky lady!

Seeing him tonight, and being so close (we were 3 rows from the front in the end) has reawakened my crush for Jon Bon Jovi, so much so that I'm bumping Ewan McGregor off of my "list" in favour of him.  After a night of watching his perfectly formed body move effortlessly around the stage, that smile and that voice.  Mmmm, Mmmmm, yummy.

Getting home was a pain, but I didn't care... I had the image of Jon Bon Jovi's bum in my mind.  Plus some random guy on the train kept us entertained, making fox impressions and telling us how he was a little late for a dinner party (it was 00:30 ish by this point, he was meant to arrive at 7pm!).  

I've finished my beer and the evening's events has suddenly caught up with me so I'm of to my bed of roses to dream sweet dreams.

That was my birthday pressie from the 'in-laws' which was nice, just the girls (me, Frankie and Claudia) went to see Dirty Dancing and enjoyed the half nakedness of burly dancer men.  The boys (Fraser, Mark, Charlie, Harry and Jacob) went to see Lord of The Rings.  I'm glad I'm a girl!

Friday was Crawley Folk Festival and I had bought tickets to see the brilliant Seth Lakeman.  Dad took Fraser and I to see him when we first moved back from the states, we loved it so much I had to repay the favour.  

I'm sure that I was born in the wrong decade, the Folk Festival was brill, lots of tents with hippy style clothes being sold (including a gorgeous pair of wellies with licorice allsorts on them) and food galore!  The vibe was a relaxed one and everybody was just there to enjoy the ambience, the music and be merry... my kind of people.

As Dad and I stood by some of the food vendors, sipping on our real ale and cider the one and only Mr Lakeman came wandering past us.  Dad stopped him and we said hello.  He wasn't the most engaging man in the world, but it was nice to be able to shake his hand and see him up close (he's quite cute!).

The gig itself was one of the best I've ever been to, just people enjoying the music and by halfway through it the whole place was up out of their seats dancing, singing and clapping.  There was no animosity in the crowd, just lots of folk love and warmth... right up my street.

Had I have planned it better Dad and I would have stayed much longer and got horribly drunk in the beer tent... still, preserves the liver I suppose.

Today I am super excited as my hat trick of social events reaches it's end.  Tonight I shall be living it up in Twickenham, having a boogie with my friend Kate in the golden circle at Bon Jovi's concert!  How awesome is that?!  I'm going to be super close to Mr Bongiovi, the hunk of rock and roll.  Did I mention it's golden circle?   Eeeek.

I'm hoping for 'Keep the Faith', that was my favourite album (and song) of theirs.  Back in 1992 when I first saw the Keep The Faith video I was young, but old enough to know a fox when I saw one.  Jon Bongiovi has always kept his soft spot with me, and the fact he can sing is a bonus (I'm a sucker for a cute guy with a gorgeous singing voice).  Seeing Bon Jovi is going to be awesome, and the fact its golden circle and with Kate is all the better.  She's a hoot and I couldn't think of a better or more energetic person to be singing and dancing with.

Thank goodness I've taken a long weekend, otherwise I'd be pooped!

Today I've learnt the importance of being nice to others, a lesson well learnt.  As I walked to work from parking my car in the usual 'free' spot (about 1/2 mile from the office) I fretted slightly about cutting it so fine, especially as I realised my work pass was whizzing round and round in the washing machine and I'd have to queue for a day pass, DOH!

Steaming down Mulgrave Road all wrapped up in my own thoughts I was yanked from them by a little old West Indian looking man.  He was out of breath and clearly couldn't walk very well (the walking stick was a give-a-way) and he asked me "sister, do you know where is the doctors surgery?".  If I wore a watch I'd have looked at it to signal my lack of time available, but I just smiled sweetly and explained that I didn't live round this way and was unable to help.  The man looked at me as if to say 'not to worry' but I could see in his eyes he was tired of walking and just wanted to get to his appointment, which he was probably late for. 

I made the split decision then that helping this man was more important than being in work at 9am sharp, "what road are you looking for?" I relaxed and began to quiz him on the whereabouts of this doctors surgery.  He couldn't remember the name of the road, "well this road goes on for quite some way, you'll be walking for a good hour and it might be the wrong direction".  I tried to explain where town was in relation to our little spot on the pavement, we walked together towards the registry office in the hope that someone in there might be able to help solve the mystery location of this doctors surgery.  "Hey sister, don't ya worry, I don't want to waste ya time.  I ma be OK, I'll just keep walking and hope I'm in the right place" the man said. 

I spotted a couple arguing with each other through a flat window across the street, I instructed the man to stay put whilst I found out from these people where the doctors was.  It was a little awkward interrupting their heated discussion but they didn't seem to mind too much, after getting the directions I explained to him that he was walking in the right direction, just in the wrong street!  He needed to be in the street adjacent to Mulgrave Road and I pointed to him how to get there.  "Thank you sister, I ma be ok getting there now" he said, I checked he was sure but still watched over my shoulder as I continued to work and the man began his journey, in the right direction towards the doctors.

That made me feel good, I'm glad I had taken the few minutes out of my day to help him get to where he needed to be.  I could have easily just said "no I don't know" and continued walking, but I saw that he needed a bit of assistance and I'm glad I was feeling compassionate enough to stop and help. 

Later on today it was my turn to be made to feel better.  A guy who I've mentioned on here before and who I follow on Twitter emailed me today.  Rock Star Scott from Chicago, works 3rd shift and I get the impression he has time to kill and gets bored a lot when at his job.  We didn't really chat about anything much, just "what do you do?", "what time is it there", "so you want to be a writer?" kind of chat.  He's a really sweet guy and one with an outstanding singing voice (I've got some of his songs on my iPod and he is très bon). 

I just appreciated his messages today, especially following a rough couple of days with work and of course my own personal email 'nutter' abuser!  He's said some supportive things regarding that and today he was able to make me smile just by sending a couple of emails and taking my mind of things. 

Today I feel like I've given myself a kick up the backside and will start to write on my projects again.  I've been a bit lax where that's concerned and need to come up with a plan that is realistic (and one I'll stick too!)  I'm tempted to dig out the old lappy and use that for writing only, that way I can pop it in my bag and use it on lunchbreaks, on the train, etc.

  I would like to share with you one of Scott's songs, as it's been my soundtrack for this evening...  a song that makes me feel uplifted and like I want to bash through all the grey clouds, put on my shades and blast it at top volume from my car as I cruise and sing along at the top of my voice.  But he might kill me if I put it on here without asking him ;-p

So I'll share some Incubus with you instead...