Last night was excellent!  I didn't think I'd like Jimmy Carr as much as I did, nor did I expect much from The Hawth but I was proved wrong.

Yes the seats are uncomfortable and crammed in, yes the bar is expensive, yes it's still in Crawley, but overall the night was a raving success and we all enjoyed ourselves.  James Arnott organised this ages ago and it only cost £20, we should do nights like that more often!   

On TV I've given Jimmy Carr the occasional snigger and have appreciated his dry sarcastic nature, but never has he got a rip roaring belly laugh from me.  I went last night to be social, enjoy time with friends and of course watch the show and I was pleasantly surprised.   Jimmy Carr is absolutely hilarious! 

I always enjoy it when a performer engages the crowd and gets them involved.  His ribbings about Crawley, East Grinstead and the quick snap-back retorts at the hecklers were priceless.  Even the video intro made me giggle, and he's right when he says "even the gene pool needs some chlorine!". lol.

We nearly didn't make it at all, Fraser went out on a works do the night before and was so drunk he can't even remember getting home, struggling to take off his shoes (very funny!) and trying to get food.  Needless to say he was so bad that when I got home from Sainsburys at 2pm he'd come home from work and was laying in the hallway.  After shoving him in the shower and then bed I had to cook the roast he'd promised me  

Still, we hauled our ass's from the sofa, full of food and freezing, to The Hawth for a thoroughly enjoyable night.

Cooking a roast dinner this afternoon I got thinking about all sorts of things, mainly through boredom as there's nothing on TV and Fras is sleeping off his hangover upstairs.

One of things I realised is how much of our lives is based around secrets.  Now I would hate to find out I've been lied to, about anything, but secrets are different (aren't they?).

I bet you're reading this now and can think of at least one secret you've kept from someone important to you.  But isn't it our given right to be able to keep a few secrets here and there?  We should all be allowed to have some things in our lives which no-one else knows, something which is between 'me, myself and I'.

There are certainly things I've kept to myself during my 25 years on this earth, but then I wouldn't say I've lied.  Lying is different you see, I think that if you're denying something in order to get out of trouble then that's wrong.

Secrets are things which won't harm others, just things you choose to keep to yourself.   You are the one person who you'll know the best your entire life and so to deny yourself that inner storage of things would be such a shame. 

We should all take a moment to to think of a secret we have and smile about it.  After all, know one is going to know are they! 

I sit in the study with half a glass of red wine listening to Fraser shouting at the TV (Rugby I think) and all I want to do is sleep!

Last night we decided to have a couple of friends over, you know while the cats away and all that, and like the old days in FL we had a poker night.  Trouble was only 30% of the table knew how to play and so it took a little while to get going.  In the meantime I made sure I was well watered and ate plenty of Frasers Chilli and hot wings (perhaps a bit too many!).

Well this morning I paid for it!  Tired and over-drunk I woke around 8:30am with a full bladder and a tongue like sandpaper!  It was too early to get up and so I fell asleep until 10am, only feeling mildly better for the additional 1.5 hours!

Now I've felt worse, it has to be said, but I didn't even realise how drunk I actually was until this mornings hangover kicked in.  I knew I was merry but jeez, I could have spent the entire day in bed.  The promise of a full brekkie was enough to muster me from the pit though :-).

Fras has a 'work thing' tonight so I have offered to drive him there, but I don't think he'll go he's in a worse state than me!  Shopping round Tesco this afternoon was a nightmare, we were so useless all I could manage to do was think about buying a drink to cure the drought in my throat!

Maybe the fresh air did us good because since being home I've marinated dinner (Slimming World Chicken Tandoori) and baked a Christmas cake!  I'm very excited about the cake and can't wait for it to finish cooking, it's been in 2 hours at the moment and has about another 4 to go (give or take an hour!).  It should be nice, the mixture seemed to taste nice (lots of Brandy in it!).  I'm looking online for decorations but need to pick a theme, tacky Santa or tasteful snow scene?

Hmm, off to cook dinner now, watch X Factor and proceed to merge as one with the couch. 

We've been playing our first proper hosted game of poker this evening and even though 80% of the table didn't know how to play it was quite a good round.

Hopefully next time we'll all have more of a clue! 

Psychological [psy-cho-log-i-cal] Abuse:  Where one person uses emotional or psychological coercion to compel another to do something they do not want, or is not in their best interests; or when one person manipulates another's emotional or psychological state for their own ends, or commits psychological aggression using ostensibly non-violent methods to inflict mental or emotional violence or pain on another.

My contribution to the 'Stop the Abuse' campaign is to talk about the effects of Psychological Abuse.  Often known as the silent abuse it's effects aren't visible like physical abuse, but its no less devastating.

Any form of abuse is just plain bullying, but those who suffer at the hands of mental cruelty don't always recognise the signs nor is it at times perceived to be a form of abuse, because you can't see it going on.

Soaps on TV have tried to tackle this issue on screens but unless you've been through it you can't truly empathize with the tormenting effect it has on a person.  Your personality is who you are and if that is changed because of how another human being is making you feel then you're losing the essence of your own self.

All to often someone has a person in their life who scares them, intimidates them, oppresses them, bullies them.  This is allowed to continue and more often than not no-one ever finds out!  It's not like you have bruises or cuts to hide, no the damage is internal.

We're all human at the end of the day and no-one should be made to feel inferior to another!

When I was growing up I had a friend who always made me feel like I wasn't quite good enough, that I was behind everyone else, that boys found me ugly which is why I never had a boyfriend.  Now bearing in mind at the time I was only 10 or 11 and didn't even think about that sort of stuff.  She was in the same school year as me but because of our birthdays she was about a year older (just under).  This was used as an excuse all the time "well I'm older", "coming from someone who's older", "you wouldn't understand, you're too young".  She would also use my other friends in the same way, telling them I'm not to be included because I'm younger, I don't understand because I'm not the same age, etc.  I felt inferior and like there perhaps was something wrong with me.

Now the change came when we moved to secondary schools and every night she'd call the house and talk at me for hours making up stories about boys who fancied her, compliments she got, friends she'd made.  Then she's ask me if anyone had asked me out yet, when I said no she replied with "why not, don't you like boys?".  In the end I had enough and one day she called and I just said to her "*****, I don't think we should be friends anymore".  Of course she was surprised and asked why, I told her I thought we were just drifting apart.  She ended the call telling me she was far too busy with her new friends and all her boys so she didn't care.

I never spoke to her again!   

This is nothing compared to what people go through everyday but had I not have been strong she could have pushed me to do all sorts of things I didn't want to do, I think she's one reason I grew up to fast anyway. 

Imagine having to live with someone who puts you down every day, uses their hold over you to make them feel powerful.  Imagine having to sit next to someone in class everyday who bullies you.  Imagine having to deal with the worry and stress of what they might say next.  Imagine being so consumed by what they say that you change how you act. 

Too many people live in fear and it needs to stop.   Make a difference.

You probably know someone who's being abused right now!